Can I interest you in a peanut butter sandwich?

Here's the deal: DO NOT READ THIS IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFENDED!!!!!

Consider yourself warned if you proceed and don't get mad at me.

I have shared this story with Granny and Aunt Kim but not really anyone else due to it's graphic nature. But, recently Adri heard it and couldn't stop laughing. She feels the story needs to be shared. I think it gives a glimpse (be it good or bad) of our life in the circle. It's never a dull moment with JMU! :)

I don't really let JMU chew gum if I can help it. He pulls it out of his mouth and plays with it. It eventually ends up somewhere it shouldn't be. This night was no different.
JMU got a hold of a piece of gum. I saw him chewing it and was busy trying to make dinner so I didn't want to fight with him about throwing it away. We ate dinner-I forgot about the gum-and it was bath time. I told him to go jump in the tub. Next thing I know JMU comes into the kitchen all wet and dripping on the tile. Here's what happens next:
He says "Mom, I think we have a little problem."
I say "What's a matter? Go get back in the tub. You're getting the floor all wet."
He says "Well, you're going to get mad."
I say (in my best fed-up Mom voice)"What? Just tell me."
JMU says "It's about the gum. Ummm, I got it on me."
I look at him. I'm looking for the gum somewhere. I don't see any.
I say "Where is it? Is it in the tub?"
JMU looks down at his naked body and points to his p****. Then, he points.
I am confused, mad, and finding this a little funny. Mostly mad.
I say "How on earth! For the love!! This is why I don't let you have gum. How did you do this? I told you to keep the gum in your mouth. What on earth were you doing wrapping gum around your p****?"
I don't let him answer any of these questions because I am still in disbelief.
JMU says "I'm sorry! I was just playing with it. I tried to wipe it off and it won't come off."
I say "Come on. Let's go into the bathroom. Let me get it off." At this point I'm thinking it will just wipe off. Oh no, too easy. We go into the bathroom. I make him lay on the counter. I tried to wipe it off with a wash cloth (no), soap (no). I yell for NU to come into the bathroom. It's all over the entire p**** area. NU just looks at me and asks how we get it off. This is where it gets good-I remember Kim telling me about getting gum out of Kennedy's hair. I remembered her mentioning butter and peanut butter. I don't know why it works-it just does.
So, I go the the kitchen and grab a cube of butter and the peanut butter. I head back to the bathroom to see what comes of this.
Picture me-greasing up my son's private parts with peanut butter and butter-trying to pick off gum. JMU is laughing during all of this. It may have been fun for him. I don't think I had this much "bonding" even when I changed his diapers!
Anyway, we get the gum off eventually. Used a 1/2 jar of peanut butter.
The next day I tell Kim this entire episode. It gets funnier the more I think about it. Kim started calling it p**** butter.
Lesson learned-Don't come to my house asking for a peanut butter sandwich. You never know where it's been.